Breaker Breaker Chuck…your movie sucks!

Posted in Movie Reviews with tags , , , , , on January 21, 2011 by newsman78

By they time you read this, it may be my last post at Idiot Movies: A Celebration of Cinematic Stupidity.  Cause Chuck Norris never sleeps…he waits!

Our crew at Idiot Movies recently caught a craptastic trucking martial arts movie called Breaker Breaker.  It’s 1977 and CB’s, trucking, Chuck Norris and Martial Arts are popular right…why not make a movie.  Wrong, I can say it is Chuck’s worst movie ever made.  It’s far from Missing in Action, but it is certainly missing something…maybe sanity.

Still, this is a fun movie to watch because of some its crazy moments.  Chuck plays J.D. Dawes, a butt kicking trucker who has a huge monster truck type van with an eagle on it.  His brother is wrongly arrested by a corrupt judge in Texas City, California. Huh?, wow it sure does look like the outside areas of LA…must be a big coincidence.  There’s a bunch of stupid acting, action and Chuck’s trucker friends plow through the town.  The epic final fight is done in slow motion in an artistic style with a horse watching.  Or maybe Chuck was so fast they had to slow it down so we can watch it.

Check out the highlights and the fight below.  And if you are brave check out the movie.  But watch your back, because Chuck Norris doesn’t need Twitter, he’s already following you!

Breakin 2: Electric Bugaloo Trailer

Posted in Media on December 13, 2008 by newsman78

If you can’t beat the system…break it!  True train wreck.  Read the full review below.

Breakin 2: Electric Bugaloo – Don’t Believe in the Beat!

Posted in Movie Reviews on December 13, 2008 by newsman78

breakin21984 not only signified dystopian society from the famous book from George Orwell, but also nearly marked the end of all Hollywood sequels.  Top Hollywood execs wanted to cash in on the growing fad of break dancing.  In only nine months these atrocities came out back to back. Breakin 1 was such a “hit” that they decided to add Electric Bugaloo to the title and create the sequel in mere months.  Now it’s become a long running gag just to add Electric Bugaloo to the crappiest sequel titles.  Even Family Guy parodied Electric Bugaloo.

In Breakin 2 Kelly, played by Lucinda Dickey, teams up with her dancing friends Ozone and Turbo, played by people named Adolfo “Shabba-Doo” Quinones and Michael “Boogaloo Shrimp” Chambers.  One really doesn’t have to come up with a joke at this point.  Glad to see their careers skyrocketed.  Oh my, I can’t believe Ice T and Jean Claude Van Dame were actually in this train wreck!

These dancing fools “believe in the beat” and are out to save their inner city dancing school.  Developers want to come in and tear it down for a strip mall.  Wow, what an original story line!  The other tagline, “if you can’t beat the system, break it” truly inspires one to dawn their parachutes pants, bandanas, and blinding neon shirt.  They then set out to raise $200,000 to save the school.  The ending is a blinding annoying mess where they save they day with just their dancing moves.

Breakin 2: Electric Bugaloo definitely deserves a top spot in the Hollywood Hall of Shame and qualifies as a top Idiot Movie!

Next Review – Flash Gordon

Posted in Media on September 20, 2008 by newsman78

FLASH! AH AH! YOU’RE A MIRACLE!

FLASH! AH AH! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!

Flash is so cool, he wears t-shirts that have his name & logo. That and he’s savior of universe, if the theme song didn’t fill you in…

The Black Samurai Review

Posted in Movie Reviews on September 16, 2008 by newsman78

The Black Samurai is the movie that kicked off the entire idea of Idiot Movies. Five years after gracing the screen with martial arts superstar Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon, Jim Kelly becomes The Black Samurai. Martial arts experts are not his enemies. Our main man is battling evil dwarfs that jump out of nowhere, vultures, snakes, disco freaks, jungle savages, and many other idiots all to the beat of psychedelic porn like music.

Words can’t express how much this movie truly sucks. The old adage “it’s so good it’s bad” is why we are celebrating this cinematic train wreck. There are no jokes in this movie, but the entire movie is the joke from beginning to end. It’s intentionally hilarious and that’s what makes it so great. Bad acting, bad effects, horrible dialogue, off sound editing – this movie has it all. And what’s up with Jim nailing everyone in the balls? Ouch!

Jim plays the part of Robert Sand, a special agent with DRAGON (we still don’t know what it stands for) whose girlfriend is kidnapped for ransom by the evil Warlock. He’s some gay guy with a ruffled shirt, a huge vulture and a battling gang of metrosexuals and evil midgets – no seriously! They have some kind of apocalyptic weapon called the freeze bomb. There is also something going on with drugs and ritual voodoo murders. This is some Academy Award winning stuff here. The search goes from California, Hong Kong and Miami. Hmmm…it seems like everything still looks like southern California, what a coincidence.

The best part of this movie is when The Black Samurai takes his purple Jaguar and asks for a boat to get to his jetpack. The dude didn’t need the boat, he was only in it for 30 seconds! We then see a six-minute segment with incredibly bad effects of him in the jetpack. Complete waste of time! Trust us, this guy is no James Bond. Truly insane stuff.

You can’t beat the kung fu fight with a vulture, scenes with dialogue with no lips moving, the insanity goes on and on. Check out this fine crappy movie if you can. It’s an Idiot Movie for the ages.

Black Samurai – Vultures, Little People, Ass Kickin Oh My!

Posted in Media on September 8, 2008 by newsman78

Here’s another great scene of the crapfest Black Samurai.

Next Up – Gymkata – Help us all!

Posted in Media on September 6, 2008 by newsman78

Karate + gymnastics = Gymkata – You can’t make this stuff up.  Truly an awesome sucky movie.  Look for our full review soon.

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